Randomly thought of my blog

It has been a very long time since I thought of my blog.

So many had happened over the years, there are ups and downs,
but mainly the ups, because we finally had a daughter!

She’s perfect in our eyes.

The downs are, I am having a lot more bad vibes, negative thoughts, 
and I never felt like telling anyone my problems again. Maybe insecurities?
Idk.

I just many a times felt that I was not being given the attentions, respecta,
and rights for being my daughter’s mom. 

Is it I have got too many people involved? I know they loved my daughter to bits,
but sometimes the way they treated me, wasn’t what I expected, more like
demanding, and acted like this baby is not mine.

For instance, the very basic necessity in today world of being a parent,
Carrier.

I was criticised for using it, reasons? Idk.
The only reason i heard was, their legs will be spreading wide apart,
so it’s not good, but that’s a baby’s more ergonomic position, that won’t hurt them.

The most hated comment was — Don’t HANG her. What? Hang? Isn’t in the
cradle also seems like a horizontal hanging? Hahahahaha idk. Cradle (yaolan)
doesn’t have any ergonomic supports, but a carrier do, but they tell me to use the cradle,
but didn’t like me using a carrier, which has a proper support, and more ergonomic,
double standards? 

“Depriving me from being close to my baby.” 
This is how I felt. So many times I just wanna ignore, but I know I cannot,
because they are just like family, and they are also family.

My biggest pet peeves for now are, although sounds ridiculous to them, but 
I think I did nothing wrong, because all I wanted was a good night sleep for both 
me and baby, but I felt like I was deprived from it.

Often trying to coax her to sleep at a unduly timing, for example,
7pm, 8:30pm, 9:50pm, even at 10pm while we are not at home. Try
thinking, are you able to fall back asleep at the designated 10:30pm
after those mentioned timing, if Enya cannot sleep, can I sleep?

This is the reason why I said I did not felt like I was respected.

Sigh. Maybe it was a mistake for getting so many people involved 
in my motherhood. I hope I can get over these asap, because I still cherish
them like my own family, I don’t want to have any changes in my life.

Wish me luck!